God's Sense of Humor

My junior year of high school was a really tough year for me (and I still tell any youth I mentor it is one of the toughest they will face).  At one point as I was struggling with something a friend sent me the verse from Isaiah 55:8-9.  It says, " 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways' declares the Lord.  'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' "  I have loved this verse ever since and it has come to comfort me whenever I face a situation that I just can't understand.  The past two months have been one of those times.  

I think many of you know I have always loved my big family and wanted to have a big family myself.  I accused Doug of "tricking " me by saying he wanted a big family and then calling it quits after four (4 is big in his mind).  But ever since Wes was born, I told him I would love him and submit to him and if he felt we needed to be done, I would accept that.  I have prayed over years that the Lord would help me with this.  I truly respected Doug and his reasons for not wanting more.  But there was a part of me I told him would always want another one.  Last fall, I finally agreed to start giving away all our baby stuff.  And in December I sent all the baby clothes away which was the last of it.  I told Doug is was a huge step for me and was difficult but wanted him to know I loved him and supported him in his decision.  And I truly meant it.  

In January, it seemed every week someone I knew announced they were pregnant.  And each time I prayed asking the Lord to make me content.  The pattern continued into February.  Finally, (literally I think the 6th or 7th person) my friend and running partner told me she was expecting (she too was waiting on her husband).  It was the first time I felt I was ok with this.  I am completely happy for her because I know she wants it.  But I am happy to be out of diapers, middle of the night feedings, sippy cups, etc.  And I thanked the Lord for bringing me to that point.  I was thrilled He answered my prayers.

Two weeks to the day later, Doug and I are talking, he looks at me and out of the blue says, "You're pregnant."  I was quite surprised.  Why would he think that?  I told him exactly what I just went through and how happy I was where I was.  But he had sensed it from God in a dream.  And the next day I woke up not feeling well.  I am sorry to say my first response was not joy.  Rather I was crying out to the Lord, "What? Why now?  I can't do this right now. I am not ready."  I tried to hide my nausea from Doug living in denial but when it lingered several days, I knew what he already knew.  We were both caught off guard.  After much shock, prayer, and finally jubuliation we are excited to say baby number 5 is on the way!!  I know the Lord knew the desires of my heart all along and is blessing me for my patience.  I know now he was preparing Doug so he would be excited and on board to help me through these long weeks of nausea and exhaustion.  Obviously, it is not the way I would have planned it but His ways are higher and I find my comfort in that!

That being said, I wish that was the end of the story but this past week as we began to share our news, my friend who had not told me yet she was expecting, found out she lost her baby.  Again I had to cling to God's promise that His ways are higher. Why would He bless me with a 5th before their 2nd?  I don't know but He does. And He loves them as much as He loves me and He is looking out for them more than I can.  So I give them over to Him.

I also pray that as I share my struggles and triumphs that it may encourage anyone who reads it and be a blessing to me as I reflect on it in years to come.